Pass the Ticonderoga #2

I am a sucker for a well-written letter. If there's one thing that separates the men from the boys in the world of online dating, it's an ability to catch my attention and hold it with words. You wouldn't think this would be all that hard- but it is. Just read a few profiles. I guarantee you will come away unimpressed.

This fact has left me rather disappointed and, frankly, depressed. In recent weeks, I had begun to think that I may have to set my standards a little lower. There are some nice guys out there, right? Was it really necessary for me to be a complete intellectual snob? Couldn't there be a wonderful man, a possessor of many amazing traits, sans the prerequisite 800 GRE verbal score?

Perhaps, bu the whole thing makes me sigh in despair. I can't help it. Intellectual stimulation is required for the proper progression of the infatuation process. It's a well established fact that in my world, a few lines of prose will get you farther than an equal number of margaritas. Much farther. Just ask William, or Berlin, whose well-worded wooing won my heart.

Much to my surprise and delight, just when I was about to venture into another substandard round of dating I received this email:

After staring at the screen now for 20 minutes, I have to admit that I am a little self-conscious about how this comes out with you being a writer. I always agonize tremendously about anything I write, and the added pressure of the intended audience is gut wrenching!

I have to say that your profile is the most startling I've ever read, and it made me actually join this site so that I could contact you (I hope that doesn't read "stalker"). I'm a physician, and although my profession and educational background is fairly opposite of what I imagine yours to be, my interests, and attraction to life appears to be very similar. I have always been a voracious reader, and of the last 10 years or so, I have been interested in a great range of things: philosophy, literature, education, and most of all history. I have a sincere interest in medical history especially, and have lectured a little, and written one article.

I have to say that I consider myself an intellectual. If there is one thing that defines me it is my curiosity. A room full of creative and interesting people people talking and laughing and sharing food, wine and conversation not only would be, but has been the perfect evening. Actually, I'd like to meet more people like that if I could. Physicians can be intelligent on a wide range of topics, and most have interests that are far afield of medicine, but they tend to be somewhat narrow in their conversations. Also, they are not very imaginative, and tend to want to solve problems all the time and not consider complexity, which is a favorite topic of mine.

I also really love music of all types. I am in a band with some of my friends who are also doctors. It is one of the only absolute joys I've ever experienced and we have a lot of fun. We play out occasionally, but mostly just for parties of friends, or more likely just for ourselves. I play guitar and sing lead. I also enjoy going to the opera as well. It looks like a great season this year so I'll probably try to get "season tickets".

I guess I should tell you more about myself. I am 6'3 190 lbs, built like a swimmer. I have brown hair and blue eyes, and although I'm not the male model I was in my 20's, a glance in my direction won't turn you to stone. I was married for 8 years, and I have 2 daughters age 6 and 3. Right now I am a shared parent and they live with me around 10 days out of the month full time. I am currently separated, but we have been totally separated for 2 years. The divorce has been slow moving because of the economy mostly, and the fact that the house has no way of selling. We have no interest in reconciling and have both dated. The biggest lesson from that relationship is that we both needed someone different that more represented our values and approach to life. Luckily our girls turned out wonderful and perfect despite our faults.

So I've been babbling for a while, and while this certainly in no way describes my inner workings, it's a fair enough snap shot. I am very new to this whole internet dating thing, so I mostly hope that this email isn't inappropriate in any way. Please read it for what it is, trying to meet someone who sounds like a very interesting person. Whether or not you or I want a relationship, I am pretty sure you are someone I would want to know anyways. Hope to hear back from you.

I can't say that it was any one line that did it - but there was an overall generosity of spirit - a genuine lonely heart in search of a soulmate that came through. It wasn't poetry. But it was honest. It sounded like me. He had used his real name, so I checked out his picture on the website of the hospital where he works. He was cute. So I responded. And after a few emails we set a date to meet. Dinner on a Sunday night at a Vietnamese restaurant that I particularly liked, but he suggested. Off to a good start.

He picked me up at my place and we drove over to the the restaurant together. I liked him pretty much immediately, and there was a distinct lack of the usual first-date discomfort. But he really got my attention when I picked up my chop sticks and he said, "Oh good, you won't embarrass me by using a fork!"

That is exactly something I would have thought - if not said. I have never understand why westerners refuse to learn to eat with chopticks - and I can eat virtually anything with them. I spent a brief period in China and never even touched a fork, just on principle.

I don't remember what we talked about anymore. I asked him frankly about what happened in his marriage, and told him about mine, and the rest was a blur. Before we knew it the place was empty, and the waiter was at our table with an embarrassed smile on his face, politely asking us to wrap things up.

So we did. He drove me home. Slowly. And when he dropped me off we experienced our first awkward moment. I told him I had a nice time - and was wondering if he was going to kiss me goodnight - and also wondering if I should let him - seeing as I recently made a post-Berlin resolution to take things a little slower. In the end we contemplated it just long enough for it to get weird to I just hopped out of the car, waved good night, and sauntered back to my doorstep hoping he was watching me the whole way.