The Deed Is Done

You know that it's over when you block him on facebook. I can't begin to describe the finality of this action. My stomach was in knots. My hand hovered over the enter button. I got up. I went to the fridge. I paced the room. Did I really want to do this? If I blocked him, I would no longer be able to see him on facebook. I would no longer be able to check and see if he's online. Read the messages his friends posted to his wall. I would be completely and utterly cut off from him forever.

By him I mean the guy I started having an affair with a little over two months ago. We met on Craigslist, when I posted, what I decided would be one last final ad in the personals section.

OK, it was the dirty part of the personals section. The part known as "casual encounters." I know I know. What sort of woman looks for a relationship in the casual encounters section of craigslist? See the thing is there's all sorts of people on craigslist. People you wouldn't expect. People like me - who are smart and attractive and interesting. People with good jobs, and regular friends, and otherwise normal lives. Not everyone on there is some kind of perv.

I posted there because I had done it before - a few times actually - and found that there are actually more normal people looking for a fling in casual encounters than there are in the regular personals section. The regular section was filled with dorks and unattractive guys - who couldn't string a sentence together to save their life. Postings there brought me responses - but the answers were lame.

I'm not sure how to explain this phenomenon exactly - but I think it has to do with the fact that there is a certain amount of danger and anonymity associated with the idea of a casual encounter. Something sort of secret and thrilling. Something that the normal, cute, goody-goody guy actually fantasizes about. And when he actually sees a thoughtful , well-written post from a seemingly together woman - voila - he is all over it.

So here is what I wrote:

NO THIS IS NOT FAKE

Please don't ask me if it is. It's real. I'm a real person. I will not send you to a site you have to sign up for or ask you for money.

I can also assure you that if we ever meet you will be pleasantly surprised. I'm attractive, smart, well-traveled and sort of funny when I want to be. I know, everybody says that. But really.

Here's what I want. An intelligent guy. A professional. A doctor, a lawyer, a writer, an artist, a scientist. Someone preferably with a copious amount of education. Here's a hint: if you think copious is a big word, don't email me, you're wasting your time.

I want a man between the ages of 33 and 41 (roughly). Someone who agrees that if we seem to it it off via email we should split a bottle of decent wine and see where things lead. Someone who thinks chemistry comes from witty conversation, a knowing look, shared interests, and a challenging intellect. A hot guy who reads these posts longing for a woman JUST like that - -but never responds because what are the chances? Or has responded and has all his worst fears confirmed.

Perhaps you are looking for a relationship, or maybe just something casual, that might become a relationship if the feeling was there. Maybe you're stuck in a bad relationship, but need an extra push to finally cut the strings. You're not on the market - but you wish you were. One thing is for sure. You're a catch. You know it. You're successful in all the ways you had hoped - but romance. You don't really need craigslist, but you like the anonymity of it, and the way it allows you to be yourself. The efficiency of being able to say, no, no, no, NEVER, mmmm maybe?? You're a good guy. Honest, nice, responsible - and perhaps a little bit naughty!

You need a beautiful woman, an intellectual equal, a fantastic, enthusiastic lover - someone who will inspire you, draw you out, challenge you and all around make life more fun. Someone to set naughty text messages at work, catch a movie with, cook dinner with. A woman you might have to make love to right there in the kitchen cause the living room floor, much less the bedroom was too far...you want to be turned on by the sound of her voice, the curve of her hip, her deep penetrating gaze. You want it all.

Like you I am disappointed in the romantic prospects I've found here but I am hoping that there is one tiny chance that I might find my needle in a haystack.

I am open minded, but when it comes to guys I find attractive I am a sucker for a man over 6 feet, strong broad shoulders, gorgeous eyes, and hands that know just when to run through my hair, stroke my thigh or cup my face and lean in for the perfect kiss.

You can be single, or on your way out of a relationship - but please - no happily married men who just need a roll in the hay, or will never leave for the sake of the kids. No martyrs. You should believe that happiness is within all of our grasp - and you just might have found yours here.

Think so? PLEASE send me a picture of your face, and write something meaningful about yourself. I don't promise to respond, but I do promise to read it with the same thoughtfulness you took writing it, and your photo will never leave my inbox.


So there it is. The posting that started it all. I got some interesting responses. But among them all, there was one that stood out from all the rest.

Wowza, i just need to know who you are

Who are you?? That is the most on-target Craigslist ad that I have ever seen. I'm a well educated and fun and funny guy who really just can't believe what I just read. As in, what are you doing here? But then you go on to exactly explain why you are here and have summed up why I am here. I'm going to be around a bit more this late summer with nothing to do before moving off to Berlin in October and I just have to know who you are. I'm attaching a pic so give me a call (see cell number below)or send an email if you would like to have a drink and reveal to me the identity of this fantastic, sensible and wise- sounding woman. I think that we might get along.

And then in a very non-craigslist twist, he signs it with his real name, cell phone, and work address and photo! I was astonished. I was intrigued. And he was totally cute! I had to meet this guy.

So we exchanged a few emails, and we decided to meet in a bar the very next day. I was nervous, but at the same time I wasn't. I had already met guys this way before, and while on several occasions I met someone great - there were others that were total duds. I was prepared for a dud, so my expectations weren't high.

When I pulled up outside the bar, he was just getting out of his car - an older old forrest green subaru outback wagon. I recognized him instantly from his photograph. He had a vintage-looking leather jacket on, sort of longish brown hair that fell into his face in perfect boyish waves, and a goatee - which I normally hate, but on him it worked. He had sort of a beatnik meets grunge look that, because it was so obviously genuine, worked.

It was the end of August and on this particular night the weather was unseasonably cool and there was sort of a misty drizzle in the air. The rain came after a sultry heat wave and cooled things of, making it seem almost fall. The air had that perfect change-of-season electricity in it. It was the sort of night that makes you do crazy things. Take risks. Fall in love with perfect strangers. And that was the night we met. It was perfect in just about every way.

But that was then. And what you, dear reader, who are probably more sensible than I, may already be thinking is that what begins as a fantasy, tends to remain a fantasy. Me and my romantic notions. My silly idea that I could walk into a bar and meet an amazing person on the basis of a craigslist personal ad and that person could become a real and complete part of my life, was very, very misguided. He broke my heart, and today I broke the only link that I still had to him - my facebook page.