Now, Blow.

I bet you think this pile of Kleenex is from me crying my eyes out over Berlin don't you? Well you'd be wrong. I WISH it was from crying. Instead it is from the nasty mucous that has been steadily dripping out of my nose for the last 3 days. I know. Too much information. The current physical misery I feel is a substantial distraction from my heartache, but oh my God, I really can't take it anymore. My nose is raw, my lips are chapped, my skin is breaking out -- I am an absolute mess. Even that bowl of green tea ice cream didn't make me feel better.

Besides, there is nothing worse than being single and sick. I had almost forgotten what it's like. 14 years in a relationship with one man, and I don't even remember what its like to be sick and be all alone. No husband or boyfriend to make you soup? No one to stop off at the store and buy you your favorite Citrus C Monster Odwalla juice smoothie? No one to draw you a hot bath or bring you aspirin, or a cup of honey and lemon tea? I am an independent woman - I don't need a man. Nope. I do not need a man. Except right now, I could really use someone to rub my throbbing temples and tell me (lie to me) that I look sexy in my jammies and unwashed hair.

My husband always did that - took care of me when I was sick. It used to drive me crazy. One of his neuroses is his cumpulsion about doing everything according to instructions, or some other regiented plan of his own device. He believes if the box of nyquil says take every four hours then you should take it exactly every four hours. He used to set his alarm and wake me up in the middle of the night for my next dose. Of course, there is nothing more annoying than being woken up from a sound sleep when you are sick so that you can take medicine to help you sleep - a concept he didn't quite understand. But his dedication - his persistance - to the task of making me well was very loving, and thinking back now it almost makes me cry. It's nice to have someone want to love you and take care of you when you are at your worst.